Somehow an Old Boyfriend Snuck into this Reading

As I laid out these cards, I was humming ‘Crawling Back to You,’ by Tom Petty.

Call it coincidence. But I don’t.

The Petty album entitled Wildflowers is tied to a specific time in my life in the 90’s—best described as magical and identity-altering—with someone with whom I was destined to spend a few years (however resistant I may have been to the idea at first).

When Tony acquired this CD he carried it in his back pocket for weeks, so wherever he went he could (without asking) help himself to the nearest CD player and have a listen—and force everyone else to listen too. He was enthusiastic about what he liked, and whenever I hear any song from Wildflowers I’m back for a minute in our days together.

I’m using ‘Crawling Back to You’ as a bit of a guide to this reading—because if you know the lyrics, it’s true, I do happen to be ‘so tired of being tired.’ And I’m crawling back as best I can to whatever that was in the wilderness of British Columbia in the late 90’s — besides my youth — that made it all so enchanting.

Where We Are This Week

Coming off the shi***est Saturday (the cards I pulled for myself were … dark), I’m a bit surprised to see The Creatrix at the top of our weekly spread.

Doesn’t this baptismal figure look majestic, levitating in air?

This is where we are right now: we are emanating magic.

Ok, I’ll take it.

(And if you don’t feel like you are emanating magic, hang tight; we’ll get to that.)

From The DreamKeepers Tarot by Liz Huston, traditionally called The Magician, this card comes directly after The Fool in the major arcana. After setting out last week without expectation, we’ve found ourselves embarking with specific intentions or meaningful action in order to bring what we desire into being—and incorporating the head, heart, spirit, and gut in order to do it.

The thing is … by believing magic exists, you embody it. And if you are reading this blog, you def believe in magic, even a teeny bit. Alternatively, you are a bewildered family member or friend who didn’t know I was into tarot, snooping :)

The Magician is clarified by the first of our MANY wand cards in the spread.

The Queen of Wands is bright, colourful, and carries what looks like a big, green baseball bat in this Fournier Spanish Tarot, Marseilles-style rendering. In a past post I mention that this queen—simply put—is popular. People are drawn to her and they’ll follow her to the moon and back.

Psychologist and tarot scholar Jessica Dore, in a recent webinar mentioned that she feels the queens and kings in tarot exude pretty much the same energy (what a novel and excellent notion). Consider, then, that they are interchangeable when they appear, both representing a figure, gender aside, who has reached mastery in the suit (we’ll unpack ‘mastery’ at some point, but let’s just go with it for now)—cups (feelings and emotions), swords (thoughts and the rational mind), pentacles (home, family, money, and behaviour), and wands (the mysterious realm of energy, fire, and creative passion).

So as representative of where we’re at this week, the Queen of Wands gives off vibes of creativity and self-assurance. Ok, great.

And what if you are not feeling like a self-assured and charismatic magician these days?

Don’t worry. Because these cards are in the first position they remind us that, even if it may not seem like it, or our actions may not seem all that grand right now, we ARE doing things that have a positive impact on our lives and the lives of others. There are a trillion ways to put your belief into action, so don’t second-guess the magic you are making right now—however small.

Before anyone had heard of The Secret, or the law of attraction, also known as ‘manifestation’ (full disclosure: that school of thinking has never resonated with me), back in the 90’s my boyfriend Tony drew ‘money pictures’ when he was especially broke, swearing cheques would arrive in the mail (which they sometimes did).

Once when I couldn’t stop crying (my mental health was tumultuous in my twenties), Tony gently put my shoes on my feet and took my hand, and from my front door on Cedar St. began to walk me directly uphill (picture a small town built on the side of a mountain). I complained as he kept me climbing, but who knew you couldn’t possibly walk a steep incline to the top of a small town and cry at the same time? (You can’t.)

And when I felt angry by something connected to my chronically complicated family, he would often (annoyingly) say, without skipping a beat: ‘You know what will make you feel better? Go do three nice things for other people.’ Which I would, and it would get something moving in a way that wasn’t totally self-involved, at the very least.

Kindnesses, however small, toward yourself and others have weight (relative to what may be weighing down on us).

The Obstacle/Challenge this Week

We arrive at the next wand card—and, interestingly, this figure seems to be playing Tom Petty’s Wildflowers on a small, old-timey record player :)

The directive is to ‘follow your song’ and see where it leads, and this reminds me of that quality in myself I used to exude. In my mid-twenties, I suddenly went in a new direction and unpredictably auditioned and got into music school (and loved every minute of it until my studies were hijacked by a mental health flare.)

This week the test is to look squarely in the eyes of a beloved, unusual, exciting, and scary endeavour that makes you feel alive—and not bail on it.

Traditionally this page tends to signal creative inspiration, but it’s early days. Your project is very new or just at the idea stage, and there is a youthful spirit about it, a daring and curious heart. Even if you lack a bit of confidence and you’re not sure how it will all work yet—those are just newbie nerves.

The clarifiers back this up.

6 of Cups is about nostalgia and the sweetness of the past (and sometimes dwelling too much on those memories).

8 of Wands means that this new scary thing WANTS to move forward but its position as ‘obstacle’ means it’s getting bogged down.

It’s further reinforced by my photograph of these cards. I didn’t realize that the 8 of Wands is upside down (look closely at the card on the right). I don’t read reversals—I put all cards in every spread in the upright position—but this card, if it were read in reverse, further suggests that the momentum of a great new outlook is hitting a snag and getting stuck.

We’re magicians, yes—and your intuitive new path is a good one; we’re making progress—but something is getting in the way of putting ourselves out there at a pace.

I can relate. This week, writing this blog post feels like pulling teeth for me, and it’s taking me longer than previous posts. I’ve hit a first wall; the initial fire has dissipated and I’m second-guessing myself.

Who on earth cares about a tarot blog?

But I’m banging away (and will continue to do so) because our ‘advice’ is all about perserverence …

The Advice

Look at this girl in the deep woods with ribbon arms. She is not giving up.

From Liz Huston’s The Dreamkeeper’s Tarot:

“Her arms have begun to unravel and from this we can surmise it has been a long and arduous path. She is fatigued, exhausted even, but summons the inner reserve to take just one more step, and then the next, until the finish.”

Move forward even though there isn’t a single certain thing about it, says 9 of Wands, and “try to remember the creative spark that lit the fire in the first place. Chances are you are closer than you think, and the last leg will be easier than the first steps. You need only to keep moving.”

So, essentially it’s a version of … Chin up! Keep going!

And it’s always nice to see The Sun.

Let’s just ignore that one figure here seems to have three arms. Although, this could resonate for you—are you doing more than someone close to you perhaps, or vice versa?

Regardless, the Sun card is a big deal. It’s (bar none) the most joyous card in the deck, and when it pops up it’s a breakthrough and relief. There is clarity on the horizon, so just keep hobbling through your days with ribbon arms and you’ll see the sun soon enough. Persevere with a positive sort of mindset. (I know, it’s not rocket science but sometimes we need a reminder.)

The Magician’s tricks seem like magic. Seeming can be magical too. So just fake it this week if you have to, until things look bright again.

Last Insights from the Oracles

The Mother and The Kiss. What an odd combination.

From The Wild Unknown Archetypes, by Kim Krans, The Mother is the very first card in the deck, just as in tarot The Magician is the first card after the The Fool (which is zero).

It’s the beginning—through The Mother all creation takes form.

When light: she is glowing, generative, creative, nurturing. When dark: she is dim, exhausted, controlling, limiting. You may be feeling ALL of this this week. (I am.) The Mother both nurtures and prohibits growth. She creates, yet restricts.

Contending with a need to ‘mother’ someone (or your literal mother) may be forefront this week too. For better or for worse.

On the other hand—and simultaneously in this reading—The Kiss is about chemistry, and the sensation of letting go of what feels separate.

This requires bravery and surrender. This card can represent romantic love, of course, but it doesn’t necessarily, and as I write this it does feel like there is a nudge to further let go this week. My daughter, one month into living on the other side of the Atlantic, is having a bumpy time and how often have I just had to sit back and choose to believe all will be well?

Quite a lot, let me tell you.

And I’m tired. Just look at that done-in figure smack in the middle of this spread (from Jena Dellagrottaglia’s Resurrection Oracle). Everything about this image instructs us to go easy with ourselves this week because we are probably feeling, well, … the way this woman looks:

So tired of being tired that I can’t decide whether to read the news or not—because it’s like skirting past an awful car accident and at the same time I’m bracing for some inevitable impact at some point.

The last thing this sick-and-tired figure wants to do is persevere.

Yet a small, hardworking beaver from Colette Baron-Reid’s Spirit Animal Oracle, is reiterating 9 of Wands energy. This is a productive time, or it can be.

If you continue to build a solid foundation, something brighter will come.

Moth, from Kim Krans’ The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit, gives us the last bit of advice: Practice seeing life as a mystery, rather than wishing it was easier or different.

This week, it’s best just to give in to the mystery—who the eff knows what is going on? More forward as best you can, toward the light, while feeling ENTIRELY UNCERTAIN.

Like the wands which permeate this reading — let’s call them magic wands :) — to Jessica Dore the wands remain, after years of study, still a mystery to her.

From her treasure-trove of psychological insight, Tarot for Change:

“Being human is more than just a complex interation between thoughts, feelings, and behaviour. Something immeasurable moves us along. … [Wands is about] accessing, preserving, and protecting the spark of life force energy … a call to engage with what we may never know in the logical ways of knowing ...

What IS the energy that fuels and motivates us? Where does it come from? No one really knows.

A spark catches brilliant flame and voilà. Magic.

I ended up in remote British Columbia mostly because it felt as if it wasn’t okay to be who I was—and found, gratefully, a small gang of clear-eyed misfits who likely saved my life. I went toward the unfamiliar because it felt better, and that began to fix it. It was medicine. And decades later, who knows why I’m writing this blog but something’s been buzzing around, encouraging me to spend some time here.

I like it.

No questions asked.

Resources

Baron-Reid, Collette, art by Jena Dellagrottaglia. The Spirit Animal Pocket Oracle. Hay House Inc.

Dellagrottaglia, Jena. Resurrection Oracle. Rockpool Publishing, 2024.

Dore, Jessica. Tarot for Change. Penguin Random House, 2021.

Fournier. Spanish Tarot. Naipes H. Fournier, 2021.

Huston, Liz. The Dreamkeepers Tarot. U.S. Games Systems, Inc.

Krans, Kim. The Wild Unknown Archetypes Oracle. Harper Collins, 2019.

Krans, Kim. The Wild Unknown Pocket Animal Spirit. Harper Collins, 2022.

Petty, Tom. Wildflowers. Warner Bros. Records, 1994.